This is naturally a difficult time of year for me. The onset of winter. Shorter days, longer nights. The season of Advent- waiting for the promise of God to be birthed into the world, into my life. It's easy to feel the darkness and cold setting into my soul. Easy to feel that the light of the world is but a dim flicker in an all too distant future.
This is the first year I’ve been part of a Christian community who actually observes Advent in any way. The season of Advent is meant to draw us toward hope, anticipation and promise. For four weeks we center ourselves around the promises of God. Promises of the birth of our Savior. The light of the world. The true light that gives light to every man (John 1:9, NIV).
Four candles represent the four weeks of Advent. Each week we light a new candle, representing the onset of the dawn of a new era in the history of God and his people. As the illumination intensifies, so should our awareness of the deliverance that is to come through the promised child of God.
This week at Journey the second of the four candles was lit. As I reflect upon the image of the candles, I can’t help but remember the two that remained unlit. I don’t take much pride in being the “glass half empty” guy, but I do feel that some of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life have come at times when I’ve examined the other side of the equation, when I’ve allowed paradox to play its role in my life and considered that the God of spring and summer is also the God of fall and winter, that the God who rules over life is also the God who rules over death.
In reflecting upon the antagonistic darkness of the Advent season, I’ve come to realize that for my entire life I’ve been celebrating Christmas wrongly. Traditionally, Christmas has represented nothing more to me than an anniversary of the birth of Christ. As such, it has signified a single event in the history of mankind. It has pointed me back in time, roughly two thousand years, to the village of Bethlehem, the manger, the single day in history when Jesus was born. Yet with a new focus on Advent as a season, rather than Christmas as a day, I am learning to view the promise of the birth of Jesus in a fresh way.
The celebration of Christmas as a single day of the year representing a single day in our past history suggests to me that the story of the light of God coming into the world is over. The chapter is written. The plot has built, the climax has occurred and we are left to simply revel in the resolution. Yet, hardly a day goes by when I don’t feel enormously void of resolution. Say what we may about the birth of a Savior, the darkness of the world remains at odds with the light. Evil remains. Despair still haunts me. Spring and summer inevitably run their course. Colors fade. Leaves drop to the ground. Fall and winter cannot be held back. Apart from one day prior to the celebration of the birth of hope, one or more candles always remain cold, unlit.
The wisdom of God’s people in all ages reminds us that life is marked by constant intervals of light and darkness, hope and despair, life and death. Next spring we will celebrate the death of the one whose birth we now anticipate, followed quickly by the celebration of his resurrection. Time will forge ahead, and before any of us are ready the Advent candles will be set before us once again. Darkness will prevail. Slowly, one by one, the flames of promise will illumine us as we await the fullness of the light. Once again the glow of one, then two and three, will cast shadows about us. And finally, as with every year, the day will arrive. The birth of Jesus will be remembered. The light of the world will drive away the darkness once again.
This year’s celebration of Advent is teaching me that the story of God’s people isn’t linear, that Christmas is more than simply a commemoration of static historical fact, that the narrative of God casting light over darkness is spoken over His people time and time again. The nativity of Jesus is with us continuously.
Wherever there is evil, let us overcome with good. Wherever there is despair, let us offer hope. Wherever there is pain, let us bring comfort. Where violence, peace. Where wrongdoing, justice. Where hate, love. In so doing, we will accomplish the reward of Advent, the light of the world dissipating the darkness that threatens to engulf us, our attention no longer diverted by unlit candles.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Day After...
Dear President Elect Barak Obama,
Yesterday morning I voted for John McCain. In regards to the election, I find myself now on the "losing" side. But today the election is over, and it's time to move ahead with grace, humility and dignity.
My sincerest congratulations to you, Mr. Obama. You've accomplished a monumental feat in American history, and you've done so in the most honorable way imaginable. America spoke her mind yesterday with resounding support, and I can't help but feel a sense of victory along with you. However our votes were cast yesterday, we can all wake up today feeling proud of you, proud of what you've achieved, proud of our country, proud of our freedom, proud of our fellow citizens who you, rightly, attributed this victory to.
I am a perfect case study in political tension. Traditionally conservative, I have felt the sting of disappointment in the Republican party over the last eight years. I, like many Republicans, hope that the next few years will see a reconstruction of our party and the emergence of new leadership to restore dignity to conservative ideals. Yet, as disillusioned as I've become by the waywardness of my party, I found myself unable to cross the line in order to vote for you. I want so badly to believe the best for my party, despite their recent failures.
In a similar way, Mr. Obama, I want to believe the best for you and for the Democratic party. And, in a similar way, I find it difficult. I, like the majority of our citizens, desire change. I hope the best for us all. Yet, I fear that a Democratically controlled White House and Congress will move our country in directions that I am not entirely comfortable with. I fear that the federal government will overstep legislative boundaries and that state and local governments will not be given the legislative autonomy that is their Constitutional right. These fears resulted in a "default" vote from me, a vote for the Republican candidate.
Mr. Obama, you have gracefully endured a barrage of offensive accusations over the course of your campaign. You've been called names that need not be repeated here, that I wish would never be repeated anywhere. Yet, reality is, I woke up this morning to hear many of the same old refrains coming from a segment of religiously conservative Americans who I've spent a great deal of effort to ideologically separate myself from in the past few years. Though religious conservatism will always be a significant part of my individual identity, I want to make it clear to you, Mr. Obama, that those who engage in fear mongering or name calling, those who have chosen to exaggerate their rhetorical quips of despair, do not speak on my behalf.
Last night you spoke directly to those of us who chose not to vote for you. You reminded us that you will be our President, and I offer you the reminder that we will be citizens of the country that you lead. We will not always agree. I will continue to exercise my freedom of expression. I will continue to engage democracy, to play my part in shaping the future of our country with you.
With that, I offer you the fullness of respect that you deserve- not simply as the holder of the highest office in our country, but as my fellow man endowed by God with life and dignity, with freedom and responsibility, with hopes and dreams, and with all of the faculties of conscience and reason which will guide our decision making in the months and years ahead.
Sincerely,
Matt Hartley
Yesterday morning I voted for John McCain. In regards to the election, I find myself now on the "losing" side. But today the election is over, and it's time to move ahead with grace, humility and dignity.
My sincerest congratulations to you, Mr. Obama. You've accomplished a monumental feat in American history, and you've done so in the most honorable way imaginable. America spoke her mind yesterday with resounding support, and I can't help but feel a sense of victory along with you. However our votes were cast yesterday, we can all wake up today feeling proud of you, proud of what you've achieved, proud of our country, proud of our freedom, proud of our fellow citizens who you, rightly, attributed this victory to.
I am a perfect case study in political tension. Traditionally conservative, I have felt the sting of disappointment in the Republican party over the last eight years. I, like many Republicans, hope that the next few years will see a reconstruction of our party and the emergence of new leadership to restore dignity to conservative ideals. Yet, as disillusioned as I've become by the waywardness of my party, I found myself unable to cross the line in order to vote for you. I want so badly to believe the best for my party, despite their recent failures.
In a similar way, Mr. Obama, I want to believe the best for you and for the Democratic party. And, in a similar way, I find it difficult. I, like the majority of our citizens, desire change. I hope the best for us all. Yet, I fear that a Democratically controlled White House and Congress will move our country in directions that I am not entirely comfortable with. I fear that the federal government will overstep legislative boundaries and that state and local governments will not be given the legislative autonomy that is their Constitutional right. These fears resulted in a "default" vote from me, a vote for the Republican candidate.
Mr. Obama, you have gracefully endured a barrage of offensive accusations over the course of your campaign. You've been called names that need not be repeated here, that I wish would never be repeated anywhere. Yet, reality is, I woke up this morning to hear many of the same old refrains coming from a segment of religiously conservative Americans who I've spent a great deal of effort to ideologically separate myself from in the past few years. Though religious conservatism will always be a significant part of my individual identity, I want to make it clear to you, Mr. Obama, that those who engage in fear mongering or name calling, those who have chosen to exaggerate their rhetorical quips of despair, do not speak on my behalf.
Last night you spoke directly to those of us who chose not to vote for you. You reminded us that you will be our President, and I offer you the reminder that we will be citizens of the country that you lead. We will not always agree. I will continue to exercise my freedom of expression. I will continue to engage democracy, to play my part in shaping the future of our country with you.
With that, I offer you the fullness of respect that you deserve- not simply as the holder of the highest office in our country, but as my fellow man endowed by God with life and dignity, with freedom and responsibility, with hopes and dreams, and with all of the faculties of conscience and reason which will guide our decision making in the months and years ahead.
Sincerely,
Matt Hartley
Friday, October 31, 2008
America, you will be disappointed
Just 8 days ago, I posted a blog titled, "If they're popular, they're probably not sound." Joe Biden's address at a fundraiser was the centerpiece of the article.
The point of what I wrote there was that many Americans have seemingly been duped into believing that Barak Obama, if elected President, will actually be able to deliver on most or all of his campaign promises. I don't believe he will be able, mostly because so many of his promises have been veiled in such carefully crafted language that is intended to mislead the average voter, promises that are so well polished rhetorically that the average voter has a highly exaggerated vision of who Obama is and what he will accomplish as President.
This isn't a huge surprise. It's not a conspiracy theory that I'm proposing. I don't believe Obama is hiding his secret religious identity or his ties to terrorists from Americans. I just believe that he, like most politicians, has pulled the wool over our eyes regarding how effective he can be in carrying out his policy promises.
My suspicions are continuing to be confirmed by Senator Obama himself...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/us_elections/article5051118.ece
The point of what I wrote there was that many Americans have seemingly been duped into believing that Barak Obama, if elected President, will actually be able to deliver on most or all of his campaign promises. I don't believe he will be able, mostly because so many of his promises have been veiled in such carefully crafted language that is intended to mislead the average voter, promises that are so well polished rhetorically that the average voter has a highly exaggerated vision of who Obama is and what he will accomplish as President.
This isn't a huge surprise. It's not a conspiracy theory that I'm proposing. I don't believe Obama is hiding his secret religious identity or his ties to terrorists from Americans. I just believe that he, like most politicians, has pulled the wool over our eyes regarding how effective he can be in carrying out his policy promises.
My suspicions are continuing to be confirmed by Senator Obama himself...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/us_elections/article5051118.ece
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Evangelicals not alone as "single issue" voters...
i read a blog recommended to me recently in which the author lamented the Christian community's tendency to vote based on "single issues" such as abortion or homosexual unions...here are my thoughts after reading the blog:
it seems that the author is selling many Evangelicals short by beckoning back to the assumption that Evangelicals alone are "one issue" voters...i am voting for John McCain next Tuesday; and, i admit, my vote is more a vote AGAINST Barak Obama than it is a vote FOR John McCain...but my opposition to Obama has little to nothing to do with his stance on abortion or homosexual union
and, for the record, Obama has created an entire campaign strategy out of "single issues," as is the case with most political campaigns including McCain's...early in his campaign, all we seemed to hear from Obama was "I will bring the troops home!" this was a single issue that many Americans were passionate about, and it contributed, no doubt, to his early popularity.
now it's the economy- specifically, tax benefits for the middle class, a promise that resonates with many as a singularly important issue in the campaign.
or perhaps we can bring up the constant refrain of Obama equating McCain with President Bush, playing on the fears of the American people that the next four years could be as bad as the last eight...yet another single issue that tugs at the heart strings of many people...
the fact is the majority of American voters, Republican and Democrat, are "single issue" voters in the sense that there are one or two of the candidate's priorities that voters deem most important to them...and their ballot is ultimately cast based upon the narrow assumption they hold that their issue of choice will be dealt with sufficiently by the candidate they choose...candidates know this to be the case and form their entire campaign strategies around this fact...go back and listen again to the debates this election year and be reminded of how many times both candidates avoided the questions being asked in order to give the same stump speech over and over again, covering the single issues that they believe are going to convince Americans to take their side in this election...
honestly, i'm getting a little tired of hearing the refrain of "single issue voters" applied only to Evangelicals, as if they are the only segment of our population unaware of the myriad of other campaign issues and casting their votes accordingly...reality is, the majority of voters heading to the booths this year could probably not elaborate the reasons for their choice beyond one or two single issues that they have decided are important...
it seems that the author is selling many Evangelicals short by beckoning back to the assumption that Evangelicals alone are "one issue" voters...i am voting for John McCain next Tuesday; and, i admit, my vote is more a vote AGAINST Barak Obama than it is a vote FOR John McCain...but my opposition to Obama has little to nothing to do with his stance on abortion or homosexual union
and, for the record, Obama has created an entire campaign strategy out of "single issues," as is the case with most political campaigns including McCain's...early in his campaign, all we seemed to hear from Obama was "I will bring the troops home!" this was a single issue that many Americans were passionate about, and it contributed, no doubt, to his early popularity.
now it's the economy- specifically, tax benefits for the middle class, a promise that resonates with many as a singularly important issue in the campaign.
or perhaps we can bring up the constant refrain of Obama equating McCain with President Bush, playing on the fears of the American people that the next four years could be as bad as the last eight...yet another single issue that tugs at the heart strings of many people...
the fact is the majority of American voters, Republican and Democrat, are "single issue" voters in the sense that there are one or two of the candidate's priorities that voters deem most important to them...and their ballot is ultimately cast based upon the narrow assumption they hold that their issue of choice will be dealt with sufficiently by the candidate they choose...candidates know this to be the case and form their entire campaign strategies around this fact...go back and listen again to the debates this election year and be reminded of how many times both candidates avoided the questions being asked in order to give the same stump speech over and over again, covering the single issues that they believe are going to convince Americans to take their side in this election...
honestly, i'm getting a little tired of hearing the refrain of "single issue voters" applied only to Evangelicals, as if they are the only segment of our population unaware of the myriad of other campaign issues and casting their votes accordingly...reality is, the majority of voters heading to the booths this year could probably not elaborate the reasons for their choice beyond one or two single issues that they have decided are important...
Don't Forget!
Without specifically endorsing one of this year's candidates over the other, I'd like to remind everyone...
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
This is what i do at Starbucks...
I love to sit at Starbucks, pretending to read a book when I’m actually observing the people around me (sunglasses work nicely for this), or eavesdropping on people’s conversations (headphones make a great decoy).
Today, I’m listening in on a roommate interview that I can’t actually hear very well and an exchange of a used Northface sleeping bag for $100 cash. A cute girl comes in and buys an iced tea, goes back to her car and puts the tea inside only to re-enter Starbucks. I think for sure she has spotted me, is intrigued by what I am reading and wants to introduce herself. Instead, she goes to the bathroom. I guess she got cold feet.
Then, there’s the couple sitting in the corner of the establishment, the girl sitting on the lap of the guy, swaying back and forth as they both stare silently at a computer screen. I can’t get behind them to see what’s on the screen. My curiosity burns inside me. Eventually, the girl finds her own chair and sits directly in front of the window, facing out, which is particularly awkward for me since I’ve moved outside and am sitting directly in front of her on the other side of the window. Occasionally, I turn and glance at her, and it feels as if I’m at the zoo.
A well polished, black Mercedes pulls in and a middle aged woman wearing oversized sunglasses and a brown sweater emerges. As she walks inside she is untucking the t-shirt under her sweater, and in so doing she pulls up her shirt high enough to reveal her stomach. It’s actually the third stomach I’ve seen today under similar circumstances. The first two were while I was eating a burrito at lunch.
An ambulance drives by, sirens wailing, as the woman whose stomach I saw returns to her car, gets inside with her drink, re-emerges with an empty coffee cup from her cup holder, throws it in the trashcan. Addict, I think. Doesn’t she have anything better to spend her money on? I take another sip of my $4 latte and continue reading.
I always try to imagine where the ambulance might be going. Someone, somewhere is having an emergency, and it seems a bit strange to me that so many people make a really good living off of other people’s emergencies. I’m thankful that I’m not having an emergency, though if I were I would be comforted knowing that my emergency was helping someone put dinner on the table, send his kids to college, save for retirement.
There’s a guy in a red car at the intersection rubbing his hands together as if he’s cold, but I know he’s not cold. It’s a warm afternoon, and he’s in a car where a lot of heat gets trapped. I wonder why he’s not at work, and then he yawns. He must be lazy, I think.
Another lady is walking in now, shuffling across the parking lot like she’s in a hurry, like she has some emergency of her own to tend to when she gets inside. I wonder if she drives an ambulance for a living and doesn’t know how to separate work from the rest of her life. Either that or she’s one of those egotistical and pretentious types who assumes that she has to move quickly through life because she has so much going on. She makes it inside and heads straight to the bathroom, and I feel badly for judging her.
My coffee is gone, and I begin my ritualistic post-coffee buyer’s remorse. Was it really worth $4? Could I have made this at home for half as much? Am I one of them? Then I remember that the coffee wasn’t the point, really. I just needed to get out of the apartment for a while, and that was worth $4. Besides, I obviously have gotten a lot done. I feel better.
The guy working the drive-thru comes outside now, right ahead of the lady who went to the bathroom (the fast one, not the one with cold feet). The drive-thru guy is picking up the wind-scattered newspaper left by the roommate interviewer. The sun is a little warm for me now, and the drive-thru guy is still attached to his headset as a black Mazda pulls into the drive-thru. He welcomes the driver with an annoyingly happy greeting through his headset, and I’m amazed at his ability to multi-task, picking up trash and delivering spot on customer service at the same time. The drive-thru guy is about 20 feet in front of me and the drive-thru is about 10 feet behind me, and I wonder why the drive-thru guy doesn’t just walk up to the car and give the headset a rest. I wonder if the person in the car can hear the drive-thru guy in stereo, both through the speaker directly beside her and through the air behind her. If so, she might look back and see him picking up trash and be just as impressed as I am.
Another lady enters for her coffee, and as she does the alarm on her car sets, the horn honks quickly to indicate “alarm on,” and I nearly jump out of my chair. It’s not like its quiet at this busy intersection, but the horn still jolts me a bit. The ambulance is back from the emergency, heading back to the fire station but still blasting sirens as if to remind people that he just came from a serious emergency. I wonder if I should flag him down and tell him about the lady who ran to the bathroom.
The lady with the alarm comes back out. When she de-activates her alarm the signal lights blink a few times, quietly. No horn. Why is it necessary for the “alarm on” signal to be so loud while the “alarm off” signal is so quiet? She gets into her car, re-emerges, like the sweater lady (but not like the cute girl) to throw away an old coffee cup. Yet another addict. Really, what’s wrong with us?
I secretly wish I had another cup of coffee.
A poodle- with orange, Halloween bows tied in its hair. This is too easy, I think. A lady in a Buick with a decorated poodle. She’s also wearing oversized sunglasses, and I wonder why its so important for ladies to protect their eyes as well as their temples from the sun. She’s feeding the poodle chocolate, of course, and I wonder if she’s lonely…and I know she is.
Because we all are…
The guy who needs a roommate. The guy buying the sleeping bag. The cute girl. The guy rubbing his hands together. The guy who makes his living tending to our emergencies. The lady with the stomach. The girl on the other side of the window. The lady who had to go to the bathroom. The guy sitting to the side, observing it all, praying to God that someone will be interested enough in his pathetic Starbucks stories to read it all.
We’re all lonely, to varying degrees anyway. Not alone necessarily, but lonely. Not all the time, but more often than we’d like to admit publicly. And that’s not a bad thing, just how it is, and it tends to feel so difficult for us. When we don’t know how to react to it, when we try to compensate for it with over-priced coffee, stylish sunglasses, extravagant poodles, clever stories. When we try to distract ourselves from it by imagining that the cute girl is here for me or that the average girl in the window is an attraction at the zoo or that the guy rubbing his hands is too lazy to work and somehow inferior to me. We long for connection with someone…anyone. We work hard to position ourselves advantageously in relation to others, to be noticed, to be liked, to be significant.
I’m walking back to my apartment from Starbucks. As I approach the entrance to the complex I click the remote clicker and the gates open ahead of me. I like to walk into my apartment parking lot like this. I like the feeling I get when the gates open and I walk through instead of drive through. It’s like I’m royalty, a king, entering into his palace, without a remote clicker, and the gates open because someone knows that I’m the king and that I’m coming and that I shouldn’t have to open the gates for myself.
As I get closer to my apartment I notice a “St. Edwards Alum” sticker on a car. I wonder if it’s St. Edwards University in Austin and get excited. I’ve been thinking about applying to grad school at St. Edwards in Austin, so I imagine meeting the girl (because, of course, it’s a girl) who owns the car and asking her if she graduated from St. Edwards and when she say’s “yes” I say “oh my god, can I trade lives with you?” and she laughs and she tells me that she has her masters in liberal arts from St. Edwards, and I act shocked as I tell her that’s exactly the degree I want, and we have a good first conversation, and two years later we go out for drinks and talk about our masters degrees in liberal arts from St. Edwards and how enlightened and lucky we are to have such a degree and how everyone else who has a degree in, say, business or math, or a job in finance or real estate, is so one dimensional and must be terribly bored and unsatisfied. When our waitress comes by and asks if we want another drink and we ask “is it still happy hour?” and she says “no” we politely decline because neither of us has a job and we’ve both already spent more money than we should have…
But, we don’t regret it…we were both lonely and we enjoyed one another’s company.
Today, I’m listening in on a roommate interview that I can’t actually hear very well and an exchange of a used Northface sleeping bag for $100 cash. A cute girl comes in and buys an iced tea, goes back to her car and puts the tea inside only to re-enter Starbucks. I think for sure she has spotted me, is intrigued by what I am reading and wants to introduce herself. Instead, she goes to the bathroom. I guess she got cold feet.
Then, there’s the couple sitting in the corner of the establishment, the girl sitting on the lap of the guy, swaying back and forth as they both stare silently at a computer screen. I can’t get behind them to see what’s on the screen. My curiosity burns inside me. Eventually, the girl finds her own chair and sits directly in front of the window, facing out, which is particularly awkward for me since I’ve moved outside and am sitting directly in front of her on the other side of the window. Occasionally, I turn and glance at her, and it feels as if I’m at the zoo.
A well polished, black Mercedes pulls in and a middle aged woman wearing oversized sunglasses and a brown sweater emerges. As she walks inside she is untucking the t-shirt under her sweater, and in so doing she pulls up her shirt high enough to reveal her stomach. It’s actually the third stomach I’ve seen today under similar circumstances. The first two were while I was eating a burrito at lunch.
An ambulance drives by, sirens wailing, as the woman whose stomach I saw returns to her car, gets inside with her drink, re-emerges with an empty coffee cup from her cup holder, throws it in the trashcan. Addict, I think. Doesn’t she have anything better to spend her money on? I take another sip of my $4 latte and continue reading.
I always try to imagine where the ambulance might be going. Someone, somewhere is having an emergency, and it seems a bit strange to me that so many people make a really good living off of other people’s emergencies. I’m thankful that I’m not having an emergency, though if I were I would be comforted knowing that my emergency was helping someone put dinner on the table, send his kids to college, save for retirement.
There’s a guy in a red car at the intersection rubbing his hands together as if he’s cold, but I know he’s not cold. It’s a warm afternoon, and he’s in a car where a lot of heat gets trapped. I wonder why he’s not at work, and then he yawns. He must be lazy, I think.
Another lady is walking in now, shuffling across the parking lot like she’s in a hurry, like she has some emergency of her own to tend to when she gets inside. I wonder if she drives an ambulance for a living and doesn’t know how to separate work from the rest of her life. Either that or she’s one of those egotistical and pretentious types who assumes that she has to move quickly through life because she has so much going on. She makes it inside and heads straight to the bathroom, and I feel badly for judging her.
My coffee is gone, and I begin my ritualistic post-coffee buyer’s remorse. Was it really worth $4? Could I have made this at home for half as much? Am I one of them? Then I remember that the coffee wasn’t the point, really. I just needed to get out of the apartment for a while, and that was worth $4. Besides, I obviously have gotten a lot done. I feel better.
The guy working the drive-thru comes outside now, right ahead of the lady who went to the bathroom (the fast one, not the one with cold feet). The drive-thru guy is picking up the wind-scattered newspaper left by the roommate interviewer. The sun is a little warm for me now, and the drive-thru guy is still attached to his headset as a black Mazda pulls into the drive-thru. He welcomes the driver with an annoyingly happy greeting through his headset, and I’m amazed at his ability to multi-task, picking up trash and delivering spot on customer service at the same time. The drive-thru guy is about 20 feet in front of me and the drive-thru is about 10 feet behind me, and I wonder why the drive-thru guy doesn’t just walk up to the car and give the headset a rest. I wonder if the person in the car can hear the drive-thru guy in stereo, both through the speaker directly beside her and through the air behind her. If so, she might look back and see him picking up trash and be just as impressed as I am.
Another lady enters for her coffee, and as she does the alarm on her car sets, the horn honks quickly to indicate “alarm on,” and I nearly jump out of my chair. It’s not like its quiet at this busy intersection, but the horn still jolts me a bit. The ambulance is back from the emergency, heading back to the fire station but still blasting sirens as if to remind people that he just came from a serious emergency. I wonder if I should flag him down and tell him about the lady who ran to the bathroom.
The lady with the alarm comes back out. When she de-activates her alarm the signal lights blink a few times, quietly. No horn. Why is it necessary for the “alarm on” signal to be so loud while the “alarm off” signal is so quiet? She gets into her car, re-emerges, like the sweater lady (but not like the cute girl) to throw away an old coffee cup. Yet another addict. Really, what’s wrong with us?
I secretly wish I had another cup of coffee.
A poodle- with orange, Halloween bows tied in its hair. This is too easy, I think. A lady in a Buick with a decorated poodle. She’s also wearing oversized sunglasses, and I wonder why its so important for ladies to protect their eyes as well as their temples from the sun. She’s feeding the poodle chocolate, of course, and I wonder if she’s lonely…and I know she is.
Because we all are…
The guy who needs a roommate. The guy buying the sleeping bag. The cute girl. The guy rubbing his hands together. The guy who makes his living tending to our emergencies. The lady with the stomach. The girl on the other side of the window. The lady who had to go to the bathroom. The guy sitting to the side, observing it all, praying to God that someone will be interested enough in his pathetic Starbucks stories to read it all.
We’re all lonely, to varying degrees anyway. Not alone necessarily, but lonely. Not all the time, but more often than we’d like to admit publicly. And that’s not a bad thing, just how it is, and it tends to feel so difficult for us. When we don’t know how to react to it, when we try to compensate for it with over-priced coffee, stylish sunglasses, extravagant poodles, clever stories. When we try to distract ourselves from it by imagining that the cute girl is here for me or that the average girl in the window is an attraction at the zoo or that the guy rubbing his hands is too lazy to work and somehow inferior to me. We long for connection with someone…anyone. We work hard to position ourselves advantageously in relation to others, to be noticed, to be liked, to be significant.
I’m walking back to my apartment from Starbucks. As I approach the entrance to the complex I click the remote clicker and the gates open ahead of me. I like to walk into my apartment parking lot like this. I like the feeling I get when the gates open and I walk through instead of drive through. It’s like I’m royalty, a king, entering into his palace, without a remote clicker, and the gates open because someone knows that I’m the king and that I’m coming and that I shouldn’t have to open the gates for myself.
As I get closer to my apartment I notice a “St. Edwards Alum” sticker on a car. I wonder if it’s St. Edwards University in Austin and get excited. I’ve been thinking about applying to grad school at St. Edwards in Austin, so I imagine meeting the girl (because, of course, it’s a girl) who owns the car and asking her if she graduated from St. Edwards and when she say’s “yes” I say “oh my god, can I trade lives with you?” and she laughs and she tells me that she has her masters in liberal arts from St. Edwards, and I act shocked as I tell her that’s exactly the degree I want, and we have a good first conversation, and two years later we go out for drinks and talk about our masters degrees in liberal arts from St. Edwards and how enlightened and lucky we are to have such a degree and how everyone else who has a degree in, say, business or math, or a job in finance or real estate, is so one dimensional and must be terribly bored and unsatisfied. When our waitress comes by and asks if we want another drink and we ask “is it still happy hour?” and she says “no” we politely decline because neither of us has a job and we’ve both already spent more money than we should have…
But, we don’t regret it…we were both lonely and we enjoyed one another’s company.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Prayer
Last week at Journey we began a four week conversation about prayer. Many of us have found ourselves in a place where we have given up on prayer, admitting that our experience of prayer has been too disappointing or too confusing to sustain any meaningful discipline. In response to a post on our blog I've written the following thoughts. (the original post, as well as my reply on the Journey blog can be found at http://www.journeydallas.com/blog/ ) Here are my thoughts:
Richard Foster writes,
"One of the most liberating experiences in my life came when I understood that prayer involved a learning process. I was set free to question, to experiment, even to fail, for I knew I was learning."
Nancy Roth writes,
"Even emptiness itself is prayer, if we can permit ourselves to understand emptiness as part of the rhythm of the breath of God. In fact, the experience of emptiness can be one of our most powerful teachers, for it is a symptom of our desire for God. Just as our lungs crave oxygen and our whole body yearns for it if deprived of air for even a few moments, the human being...desires to be filled with God."
I don't know that we'll ever really understand prayer. I don't know that we're supposed to, or that it's possible, even. In fact, I'm sure it's not- and that may be the only thing regarding prayer that I'm certain about.
But I think what I'm discovering this week is that our greatest teacher is the prayer experience itself. As Foster says, the questioning, the experimentation, even the failing- all are part of the learning process. Conversation about prayer, or reading yet another book on prayer have been helpful insofar as they have encouraged me to move into prayer; but, it's not until I take a dive into the act of praying that I actually begin to learn anything substantial.
And, yes, even the silence, the emptiness, the absence (call it what you will) that most of us experience serves as a teacher to us, reminding us of why we pray. I commented to Danielle this week that the empty space between us and God is necessary in order to keep our hearts baited toward him- like a carrot on a stick, causing us to live in a perpetual state of self-examination, continually re-posturing ourselves toward God.
I think one of the most difficult things for me this week has been finding the humility to pray. My pride doesn't want to allow me to own up to the fact that I'm not very good at something I've been trying to do for over 30 years. I feel like I should have mastered this thing about 26 years ago.
I'm also deeply hurt when I feel that God isn't paying attention...those crazy childhood neglect wounds creep their way back to the surface of my consciousness and push me to the floor. I'd like to believe I'm stronger than that.
So, yeah, we've got a lot to learn, and I think I agree with Foster and Roth that the experience of prayer is our greatest teacher. It takes humility. It feels risky. I actually experience fear regularly in prayer. It's crazy. But, I too, feel compelled to continue trying, to continue learning. As we continue to turn ourselves to God, may we continue to learn-as much as is possible- about prayer, about ourselves, about God.
Richard Foster writes,
"One of the most liberating experiences in my life came when I understood that prayer involved a learning process. I was set free to question, to experiment, even to fail, for I knew I was learning."
Nancy Roth writes,
"Even emptiness itself is prayer, if we can permit ourselves to understand emptiness as part of the rhythm of the breath of God. In fact, the experience of emptiness can be one of our most powerful teachers, for it is a symptom of our desire for God. Just as our lungs crave oxygen and our whole body yearns for it if deprived of air for even a few moments, the human being...desires to be filled with God."
I don't know that we'll ever really understand prayer. I don't know that we're supposed to, or that it's possible, even. In fact, I'm sure it's not- and that may be the only thing regarding prayer that I'm certain about.
But I think what I'm discovering this week is that our greatest teacher is the prayer experience itself. As Foster says, the questioning, the experimentation, even the failing- all are part of the learning process. Conversation about prayer, or reading yet another book on prayer have been helpful insofar as they have encouraged me to move into prayer; but, it's not until I take a dive into the act of praying that I actually begin to learn anything substantial.
And, yes, even the silence, the emptiness, the absence (call it what you will) that most of us experience serves as a teacher to us, reminding us of why we pray. I commented to Danielle this week that the empty space between us and God is necessary in order to keep our hearts baited toward him- like a carrot on a stick, causing us to live in a perpetual state of self-examination, continually re-posturing ourselves toward God.
I think one of the most difficult things for me this week has been finding the humility to pray. My pride doesn't want to allow me to own up to the fact that I'm not very good at something I've been trying to do for over 30 years. I feel like I should have mastered this thing about 26 years ago.
I'm also deeply hurt when I feel that God isn't paying attention...those crazy childhood neglect wounds creep their way back to the surface of my consciousness and push me to the floor. I'd like to believe I'm stronger than that.
So, yeah, we've got a lot to learn, and I think I agree with Foster and Roth that the experience of prayer is our greatest teacher. It takes humility. It feels risky. I actually experience fear regularly in prayer. It's crazy. But, I too, feel compelled to continue trying, to continue learning. As we continue to turn ourselves to God, may we continue to learn-as much as is possible- about prayer, about ourselves, about God.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
If They're Popular, They're Probably Not Sound...
For the past few weeks I, like many, have been giving much thought to the ever-increasing possibility of Americans electing Barak Obama as our next President. Since Obama won the nomination of his party, delivering a knock out blow to the Clinton machine, I've felt a constant sense of uneasiness about Obama's popularity. As a lifelong conservative, moving closer and closer to the center each election, I long for an alternative to the status quo that the Republican party continues to deliver. I recognize that many conservatives feel the same.
However, it has seemed painfully obvious to me over the past several weeks that so many people have been duped by the sentiment and rhetoric of Senator Obama. Obama's rise to popularity has been fueled by his repetition, ad nauseam, of the mantras of "hope" and "change." Crowds of fans chant and cheer, faint in his presence and elevate his status to "Messiah." To his credit, it has been a brilliant campaign strategy. He has unashamedly played to the vulnerabilities of the masses as one of history's least popular presidents ends his time in office.
My uneasiness with Obama and his well-polished stump speeches has been centered around one major question. Will President Obama be able to deliver on the promises Senator Obama is waxing so eloquently?
I visited with a friend a couple of nights ago and explained to him that if Obama is elected I expect that many Americans will ultimately be very disappointed. Obama has seduced masses of Americans into believing that he has the answers to all that ails us socially, politically, globally. Americans have taken the bait and placed their hope for a better future into the hands of one man who they know very little about outside of the well-crafted answers he's given to journalists who refuse to ask him difficult questions.
As I've began to feel this uneasiness more and more in recent weeks I've often paused to contemplate the possibility that I am overreacting. Perhaps it won't be as I imagine it. Perhaps I will be the one who is surprised by what Obama is or isn't able to do as President. I've mostly kept this whole line of thought to myself, feeling like I am probably alone in my view, or that I'm not really informed enough to make such an assertion...that is, until Joe Biden confirmed for me everything that I had been thinking.
Have you heard Mr. Biden's comments from earlier this week? Astonishing! They actually make me feel like a genius. Many of you have probably heard the comments Biden made concerning the immanence of an international crisis if Obama is elected, an event intended to test the "mettle" of a newly elected President Obama. This is the comment that has received the most media attention. But, Biden went on:
"This guy has it. But he's gonna need your help. Because I promise you, you all are gonna be sitting here a year from now going, 'Oh, my God, why are they there in the polls? Why is the polling so down? Why is this thing so tough?' We're gonna have to make some incredibly tough decisions in the first two years. So I'm asking you now ... be prepared to stick with us. ... There are gonna be a lot of you who want to go, 'Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that decision.' Because if you think the decision is sound when they're made ... they're not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they're popular, they're probably not sound."
Are you kidding me? You don't have to read between the lines here to see exactly what Biden is doing. He's preparing America for the inevitable- the disappointment and disillusionment they are sure to feel if Obama wins. Senator Obama has tried to downplay Biden's comments throughout the week, wanting us to believe that Biden was referring generally to whoever next assumes the office of President. Read the quote in its entirety and notice the very specific mention of Barak Obama, the repeated use of "he," and "us" and "we" throughout the comments. Obama is obviously doing damage control. (My bet is, when the time comes and Obama's popularity is down, he will point back to this moment in his own defense and claim that he warned us)
So, my conclusion on this matter is simple: AMERICANS HAVE BEEN DUPED!!! Barak Obama, who has very little experience, a questionable record of voting (or failing to vote) as a Senator, who has a questionable history of associations with extremely liberal, anti-American wackos has sounded the sirens of hope and change as loudly as he knows how...and Americans have fallen for him and are setting themselves up for severe disappointment. I realize that every presidential election comes down to a popularity contest. I just wish that more people would see past the smoke and mirrors, look deeply at the reality of who Senator Obama is and the limitations he will certainly face as President. There's no doubt that Obama is a popular guy, and rightly so. But I think we would all be well-served to hear the words of Mr. Biden one more time:
"...if they're popular, they're probably not sound."
fyi, here's a link to an article containing the full text from Biden's speech:
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/10/biden-to-suppor.html
However, it has seemed painfully obvious to me over the past several weeks that so many people have been duped by the sentiment and rhetoric of Senator Obama. Obama's rise to popularity has been fueled by his repetition, ad nauseam, of the mantras of "hope" and "change." Crowds of fans chant and cheer, faint in his presence and elevate his status to "Messiah." To his credit, it has been a brilliant campaign strategy. He has unashamedly played to the vulnerabilities of the masses as one of history's least popular presidents ends his time in office.
My uneasiness with Obama and his well-polished stump speeches has been centered around one major question. Will President Obama be able to deliver on the promises Senator Obama is waxing so eloquently?
I visited with a friend a couple of nights ago and explained to him that if Obama is elected I expect that many Americans will ultimately be very disappointed. Obama has seduced masses of Americans into believing that he has the answers to all that ails us socially, politically, globally. Americans have taken the bait and placed their hope for a better future into the hands of one man who they know very little about outside of the well-crafted answers he's given to journalists who refuse to ask him difficult questions.
As I've began to feel this uneasiness more and more in recent weeks I've often paused to contemplate the possibility that I am overreacting. Perhaps it won't be as I imagine it. Perhaps I will be the one who is surprised by what Obama is or isn't able to do as President. I've mostly kept this whole line of thought to myself, feeling like I am probably alone in my view, or that I'm not really informed enough to make such an assertion...that is, until Joe Biden confirmed for me everything that I had been thinking.
Have you heard Mr. Biden's comments from earlier this week? Astonishing! They actually make me feel like a genius. Many of you have probably heard the comments Biden made concerning the immanence of an international crisis if Obama is elected, an event intended to test the "mettle" of a newly elected President Obama. This is the comment that has received the most media attention. But, Biden went on:
"This guy has it. But he's gonna need your help. Because I promise you, you all are gonna be sitting here a year from now going, 'Oh, my God, why are they there in the polls? Why is the polling so down? Why is this thing so tough?' We're gonna have to make some incredibly tough decisions in the first two years. So I'm asking you now ... be prepared to stick with us. ... There are gonna be a lot of you who want to go, 'Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that decision.' Because if you think the decision is sound when they're made ... they're not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they're popular, they're probably not sound."
Are you kidding me? You don't have to read between the lines here to see exactly what Biden is doing. He's preparing America for the inevitable- the disappointment and disillusionment they are sure to feel if Obama wins. Senator Obama has tried to downplay Biden's comments throughout the week, wanting us to believe that Biden was referring generally to whoever next assumes the office of President. Read the quote in its entirety and notice the very specific mention of Barak Obama, the repeated use of "he," and "us" and "we" throughout the comments. Obama is obviously doing damage control. (My bet is, when the time comes and Obama's popularity is down, he will point back to this moment in his own defense and claim that he warned us)
So, my conclusion on this matter is simple: AMERICANS HAVE BEEN DUPED!!! Barak Obama, who has very little experience, a questionable record of voting (or failing to vote) as a Senator, who has a questionable history of associations with extremely liberal, anti-American wackos has sounded the sirens of hope and change as loudly as he knows how...and Americans have fallen for him and are setting themselves up for severe disappointment. I realize that every presidential election comes down to a popularity contest. I just wish that more people would see past the smoke and mirrors, look deeply at the reality of who Senator Obama is and the limitations he will certainly face as President. There's no doubt that Obama is a popular guy, and rightly so. But I think we would all be well-served to hear the words of Mr. Biden one more time:
"...if they're popular, they're probably not sound."
fyi, here's a link to an article containing the full text from Biden's speech:
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/10/biden-to-suppor.html
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thoughts on the Presidential Election
Many of the most honorable teachers, mentors, pastors and friends that I know will be voting for Barak Obama on November 4th. They support his ideology of universal health care, of taxing the wealthy in order to re-distribute personal income to the poor. Their intentions are respectable. They quote Jesus in order to justify their support of such proposals. But, the more I hear their arguments, the clearer my own thoughts become on the issue.
It is undeniable that Jesus' desire is for the poor, sick and disadvantaged to be cared for. It is the right and responsibility of every follower of Jesus to take his words seriously and to live with open hands and a generous heart. There is no lack of opportunity to serve the needy. They surround us every day. And, unfortunately, many of them are not cared for in the way they deserve. We are all too often guilty of fear, selfishness and greed which chain us to our sinful self-interests.
Yet, with that disclaimer firmly established, I still have fundamental disagreements with the ideas being proposed by Senator Obama. Scripture attests to the fact that God loves a cheerful giver as opposed to one who gives simply out of compulsion, which begs the question, "Why do we give?"
Senator Obama's plans, in my mind, epitomize the very opposite of Jesus' intentions for his followers. Our federal government does not have the right or the responsibility to enforce the Gospel of Jesus. The government's role is to create a culture of freedom, to encourage personal and collective responsibility. This is far different from legislating generosity.
The most powerful testimony to the grace and mercy of Jesus is our willingness to put aside personal gain in order to look out for the interests of others. It's the difference between saying, "I love you because I have to," and saying "I love you because I want to."
The Gospel of Jesus is holistic. It involves transformation of the entire person. It involves a reversal of selfish ways of thinking and self-centered motives. It involves life and prosperity for everyone. It is summed up in the simplest of commands- love God and love others. But the power of love, the most profound evidence of self-transformation, is ultimately manifest in how we choose to relate at a personal level to those around us.
Love cannot fully manifest itself at a distance. Actions that are forced upon us by governing authorities rob us of the essential beauty of love- the beauty of choice born out of personal and collective transformation. God knows this. He knows that the only way to truly love humanity is to enter into our life story. Therefore, he took on the very flesh and bones of humanity. He lived and worked among us. He walked beside us, looked us in the eyes, ate meals with us and ultimately took our pain, suffering and judgement upon himself in order that we might know the only way of love. He continues to dwell in and among us to manifest his perfect love.
The message Jesus lived out on earth didn't involve sending checks to charity or empowering governments to raise taxes to increase federal welfare programs. His message to his followers is clear- give to the government what the government requires of you. This promotes a peaceful society. God will hold the rulers accountable for what they do with that money. But, beyond that, give to God what he desires of you. And our accountability resides in what we choose to do at a personal and collective level with the gifts God has blessed us with. Apart from responsibility, this choice is also our greatest privilege, the greatest source of joy and life for both the giver and the receiver.
I believe the greatest virtue any of us can possess runs deeper than generosity. Our greatest virtue is willingness. The kingdom of God is a grassroots effort. A society free of government interference, one in which our freedoms are protected and choice is afforded to the individual, is the best environment for such a kingdom to thrive.
The poor and hurting need our help. Our generation has a great opportunity to manifest the love of God among the downtrodden. The American people, though often sidetracked by greed and selfishness, have shown themselves to be both willing and able to share of our own accord. There's no greater time than now to remind the world of our generosity- not as Americans, but as the people of God; not because of the change promised by any political candidate, but because of the regeneration of our hearts by our Lord and Savior, Jesus.
Lord, may we be willing...
It is undeniable that Jesus' desire is for the poor, sick and disadvantaged to be cared for. It is the right and responsibility of every follower of Jesus to take his words seriously and to live with open hands and a generous heart. There is no lack of opportunity to serve the needy. They surround us every day. And, unfortunately, many of them are not cared for in the way they deserve. We are all too often guilty of fear, selfishness and greed which chain us to our sinful self-interests.
Yet, with that disclaimer firmly established, I still have fundamental disagreements with the ideas being proposed by Senator Obama. Scripture attests to the fact that God loves a cheerful giver as opposed to one who gives simply out of compulsion, which begs the question, "Why do we give?"
Senator Obama's plans, in my mind, epitomize the very opposite of Jesus' intentions for his followers. Our federal government does not have the right or the responsibility to enforce the Gospel of Jesus. The government's role is to create a culture of freedom, to encourage personal and collective responsibility. This is far different from legislating generosity.
The most powerful testimony to the grace and mercy of Jesus is our willingness to put aside personal gain in order to look out for the interests of others. It's the difference between saying, "I love you because I have to," and saying "I love you because I want to."
The Gospel of Jesus is holistic. It involves transformation of the entire person. It involves a reversal of selfish ways of thinking and self-centered motives. It involves life and prosperity for everyone. It is summed up in the simplest of commands- love God and love others. But the power of love, the most profound evidence of self-transformation, is ultimately manifest in how we choose to relate at a personal level to those around us.
Love cannot fully manifest itself at a distance. Actions that are forced upon us by governing authorities rob us of the essential beauty of love- the beauty of choice born out of personal and collective transformation. God knows this. He knows that the only way to truly love humanity is to enter into our life story. Therefore, he took on the very flesh and bones of humanity. He lived and worked among us. He walked beside us, looked us in the eyes, ate meals with us and ultimately took our pain, suffering and judgement upon himself in order that we might know the only way of love. He continues to dwell in and among us to manifest his perfect love.
The message Jesus lived out on earth didn't involve sending checks to charity or empowering governments to raise taxes to increase federal welfare programs. His message to his followers is clear- give to the government what the government requires of you. This promotes a peaceful society. God will hold the rulers accountable for what they do with that money. But, beyond that, give to God what he desires of you. And our accountability resides in what we choose to do at a personal and collective level with the gifts God has blessed us with. Apart from responsibility, this choice is also our greatest privilege, the greatest source of joy and life for both the giver and the receiver.
I believe the greatest virtue any of us can possess runs deeper than generosity. Our greatest virtue is willingness. The kingdom of God is a grassroots effort. A society free of government interference, one in which our freedoms are protected and choice is afforded to the individual, is the best environment for such a kingdom to thrive.
The poor and hurting need our help. Our generation has a great opportunity to manifest the love of God among the downtrodden. The American people, though often sidetracked by greed and selfishness, have shown themselves to be both willing and able to share of our own accord. There's no greater time than now to remind the world of our generosity- not as Americans, but as the people of God; not because of the change promised by any political candidate, but because of the regeneration of our hearts by our Lord and Savior, Jesus.
Lord, may we be willing...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Lack of contentment results from the fact that the primitive ego lives in a constant state of self-absorption and fear. Fear leads to death of self. Our surrender to the impulses of self-absorption exacerbates its life denying effects on our conscience, leading to further disrepair. True happiness can only be found when we step outside of our archaic self, pushing aside our innate egotism in order to live for a purpose greater than self.
Yet, we live in a world where the majority of people believe otherwise. Happiness is sought by those who hold steadfastly to self and attempt to bolster the ego through externally sourced upgrades. We are deceived into believing that the self can be adorned by more or better, and that in our embellishment of the ego we will find some lasting level of satisfaction.
The opening sentence of Sigmund Freud's Civilization and Its Discontents reads:
It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement- that they seek power, success and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life.
The problem I see with power, success and wealth is that when we categorize such pursuits we must do so at the expense of other human beings. How can one possible measure his own power, his own success or his own wealth if not in the light of his fellow man? Can a man possess power apart from the subordination of his fellow man? Can success ever be measured without the contrasting failure of others to whom we compare? Can we ever truly label a man wealthy unless against the backdrop of surrounding poverty?
In my analysis of these types of categories, which have proven themselves to be very important in the collective ego of mankind, the underlying dilemma is the degradation of human value. A competition, of sorts, is established between individuals. In order for the categories to apply, heirarchy is necessary; and where heirarchy exists, human dignity is diminished.
Yet, we live in a world where the majority of people believe otherwise. Happiness is sought by those who hold steadfastly to self and attempt to bolster the ego through externally sourced upgrades. We are deceived into believing that the self can be adorned by more or better, and that in our embellishment of the ego we will find some lasting level of satisfaction.
The opening sentence of Sigmund Freud's Civilization and Its Discontents reads:
It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement- that they seek power, success and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life.
The problem I see with power, success and wealth is that when we categorize such pursuits we must do so at the expense of other human beings. How can one possible measure his own power, his own success or his own wealth if not in the light of his fellow man? Can a man possess power apart from the subordination of his fellow man? Can success ever be measured without the contrasting failure of others to whom we compare? Can we ever truly label a man wealthy unless against the backdrop of surrounding poverty?
In my analysis of these types of categories, which have proven themselves to be very important in the collective ego of mankind, the underlying dilemma is the degradation of human value. A competition, of sorts, is established between individuals. In order for the categories to apply, heirarchy is necessary; and where heirarchy exists, human dignity is diminished.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Book Review
I just completed Peter Rollins newest book called The Fidelity of Betrayal. I've been reading it with a group of friends from Journey, meeting together with them on Tuesday evenings at The Black Friar pub in Dallas where we discuss our thoughts about the book. My official review of the book is as follows:
Rollins has taken a fairly simple concept and managed to obscure it behind a tangled mess of poorly formed arguments, incongruent analogies and efforts at cleverness that fall well short of intrigue, bordering on the offensive. I believe that a majority of Christians would find his overarching theme agreeable, assuming they could discover it amidst the mess of a book he's written. I appreciate the point he's trying to make, but found the book itself to be disjointed, inconsistent and frustrating to read.
We have one more meeting, tomorrow evening, to wrap up our discussion of the book. Perhaps once the entire experience of the book and subsequent conversations about it have ended I'll return to this post to elaborate a bit on my review. Perhaps the book hasn't been significant enough to me to warrant the extra effort.
Until next time...
Rollins has taken a fairly simple concept and managed to obscure it behind a tangled mess of poorly formed arguments, incongruent analogies and efforts at cleverness that fall well short of intrigue, bordering on the offensive. I believe that a majority of Christians would find his overarching theme agreeable, assuming they could discover it amidst the mess of a book he's written. I appreciate the point he's trying to make, but found the book itself to be disjointed, inconsistent and frustrating to read.
We have one more meeting, tomorrow evening, to wrap up our discussion of the book. Perhaps once the entire experience of the book and subsequent conversations about it have ended I'll return to this post to elaborate a bit on my review. Perhaps the book hasn't been significant enough to me to warrant the extra effort.
Until next time...
Friday, May 30, 2008
God at the Gas Station
Armed with a fresh pot of chai, I'm ready to post my first blog...
Yesterday started out normal. I woke up early, went to a meeting at work and was home by 9:00am. I consumed my ritual morning coffee, checked out the news headlines, listened to some tunes and relaxed. I remembered that I needed to return an external hard drive to Best Buy and felt that tinge of excitement knowing that I was about to get some ill-spent money back. I grabbed the goods, along with the receipt, and set out to "earn" a little cash.
I left with a bit of anxiety, thinking perhaps that my refund request might be denied and that I'd be stuck with a useless peice of computer hardware. That wasn't the case. After standing in line for about 45 seconds, approaching the customer service clerk and making my request, no questions were asked, and in a matter of a couple of minutes I was out the door. Armed with $77.93 in my pocket I began to imagine what I might be able to do with my newly aquired cash treasure. My gas tank was on empty, and I knew that it would take at least $75 to fill my tank. But, of course, that wouldn't be a very exciting use of my wallet full of cash, so I pulled into the gas station, pulled out my debit card and concluded that my hard earned cash would be put to use on something more worthwhile.
Before I even had a chance to start pumping gas I was approached by a lady who had been at the gas station ahead of me.
"Do you mind helping me out?" came the question. "I'm homeless. I live in my truck. I need money for gas and food."
Instantly, I heard my $77.93 crying out from my pocket. "I'm here! And I'm not for you."
I didn't hesitate. Correction, I couldn't hesitate.
"Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
These are the words of Jesus, spoken many years ago to those who follow him. These are words that I often hate to hear. Words that cut against the grain of my selfishness. Words that take away from my pervading self-interests. Words that cannot be ignored.
I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my wallet and opened it. There inside, my nicely folded and faced cash- two ones, a five, a ten, and three twenties. My attention was first drawn to the ten, then to the five and the ones. I felt angry. Upset that I had been cornered. Sure that I was being lied to, manipulated, taken advantage of.
"If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles."
Again, the ancient words of Jesus. Again, I knew. I pulled out a twenty and handed it to her and wished her well. She looked down, threw her head back in surprise and said "Wow!" Then she quickly walked away, as if I might suddenly realize that I had given her more than I intended.
Funny thing is, I did give her more than I intended. Left up to me, I would have politely said "no" to her request. Or, at the most, I would have pulled out a couple of ones, acted like that's all I could spare and sent her on her way.
But that couple of dollars would not have been all I could have spared. I didn't need any of that cash in my wallet, though I certainly wanted it. My bills are paid. I'm well fed. I have a comfortable place to live. Sure, there's plenty more that I want, but nothing more that I need.
The thing is, I don't believe I was acting alone in this encounter. I'm pretty sure God was there, reminding me of how He wants me to live- with open hands and a generous heart. Jesus, during his time on earth, taught more about generosity with one's possessions than he did on heaven and hell combined. I think a lot of people who follow Jesus get so caught up in reducing their faith to what happens after they die that they forget how to live. Jesus didn't seem to forget though. And he doesn't seem to forget to remind us every chance he gets.
To prove my point that he reminds us often, let me share the rest of the story...
As soon as this lady walked away from me, I turned to begin pumping my gas. There in front of me stood a man with a gas can. I immediately felt my wallet get lighter and my heart get heavier. He asked me a couple of questions. He gave a couple of explanations. Truth is, I couldn't understand much of what he said because of his thick accent. But his words didn't matter. Once again, I knew.
I filled his can with gas for him before I started pumping my own gas. He politely said "thank you" and proceeded to his car to transfer his gas. Irritation blended with relief as I began to finally pump my own gas. I watched with disgust as the little box indicating number of gallons pumped crawled up at a snail's pace and the little box indicating my total cost shot up like a bullet out of a gun.
Then the voice behind me...
"Hey man. Was that lady with you?"
"I'm sorry." I replied.
"That lady in that truck. Was she with you?"
"No." I answered shortly, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Oh. Okay. Well, listen man. My truck just ran out of gas. I saw you over here, and you seem like a nice guy and all."
The red glimmer of this guy's gas can sent a shockwave through my body. It was at least twice as large as the previous guy's can. Now I knew I was being taken advantage of. He had seen me help two other people. Now it was his turn. Again, everything in me wanted to get away, to say "no," to move to the suburbs. And again, I knew.
"Hey man," I replied. "Give me a minute to finish up here and I'll fill your gas can for you."
As I was pumping my gas, the man (his name is Darrell) told me a bit of his story. He lived in New Orleans when Katrina hit. He had owned a custom auto body shop that he lost in the hurricane. He had moved to Dallas and was teaching welding classes, barely making it. He had returned to New Orleans, or at least tried. Now he was back in Dallas. Still a refugee. Still barely getting by.
I finished pumping my gas and began filling his can. After a couple of dollars worth he stopped me.
"You don't have to fill it, man. You're already at like three dollars."
These words were actually the most comforting of the day. He wasn't trying to take advantage of me afterall. He, quite simply, had a need and asked for some help.
"Oh. No worries. I'll at least give you five dollars worth."
And so I did. And I wondered to myself how many people in our city simply have a need, and when they ask for help we get so irritated, selfish or paranoid that we blow them off, refuse to help, look the other way, ignore them and walk away immersing ourselves in self-justification or grumbling our complaints against these strangers.
One of the most important things I learned when I lived in India in 2004 is, "it could have been me." For six months I was surrounded by some of the most poor, downtrodden and suffering people in the world. And all I could think about, everywhere I saw them, was, "it could have been me."
I didn't choose to be born into a middle income family in America, with the skills and mental capacity to earn a living for myself. I haven't chosen to avoid natural disaster. I haven't chosen to avoid being severely victimized by a slowing economy. I've been lucky, actually. Or blessed, some might say. Never in my life have I had to worry about where my next tank of gas or meal or pair of clothes would come from. I've always had exactly what I need. But not everyone is so fortunate...
And every time I see someone less fortunate, someone struggling in ways that I've never had to struggle, I remind myself, "It could have been me..."
And if it was me? If I had the courage to ask for help? How would I want people to respond?
"Do to others as you would have them do to you..."
God was at the gas station yesterday. Reminding me how to live.
As for my $77.93...well, what's left of it remains in my wallet. Perhaps I'll run into somebody today who needs it more than me...
Yesterday started out normal. I woke up early, went to a meeting at work and was home by 9:00am. I consumed my ritual morning coffee, checked out the news headlines, listened to some tunes and relaxed. I remembered that I needed to return an external hard drive to Best Buy and felt that tinge of excitement knowing that I was about to get some ill-spent money back. I grabbed the goods, along with the receipt, and set out to "earn" a little cash.
I left with a bit of anxiety, thinking perhaps that my refund request might be denied and that I'd be stuck with a useless peice of computer hardware. That wasn't the case. After standing in line for about 45 seconds, approaching the customer service clerk and making my request, no questions were asked, and in a matter of a couple of minutes I was out the door. Armed with $77.93 in my pocket I began to imagine what I might be able to do with my newly aquired cash treasure. My gas tank was on empty, and I knew that it would take at least $75 to fill my tank. But, of course, that wouldn't be a very exciting use of my wallet full of cash, so I pulled into the gas station, pulled out my debit card and concluded that my hard earned cash would be put to use on something more worthwhile.
Before I even had a chance to start pumping gas I was approached by a lady who had been at the gas station ahead of me.
"Do you mind helping me out?" came the question. "I'm homeless. I live in my truck. I need money for gas and food."
Instantly, I heard my $77.93 crying out from my pocket. "I'm here! And I'm not for you."
I didn't hesitate. Correction, I couldn't hesitate.
"Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
These are the words of Jesus, spoken many years ago to those who follow him. These are words that I often hate to hear. Words that cut against the grain of my selfishness. Words that take away from my pervading self-interests. Words that cannot be ignored.
I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my wallet and opened it. There inside, my nicely folded and faced cash- two ones, a five, a ten, and three twenties. My attention was first drawn to the ten, then to the five and the ones. I felt angry. Upset that I had been cornered. Sure that I was being lied to, manipulated, taken advantage of.
"If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles."
Again, the ancient words of Jesus. Again, I knew. I pulled out a twenty and handed it to her and wished her well. She looked down, threw her head back in surprise and said "Wow!" Then she quickly walked away, as if I might suddenly realize that I had given her more than I intended.
Funny thing is, I did give her more than I intended. Left up to me, I would have politely said "no" to her request. Or, at the most, I would have pulled out a couple of ones, acted like that's all I could spare and sent her on her way.
But that couple of dollars would not have been all I could have spared. I didn't need any of that cash in my wallet, though I certainly wanted it. My bills are paid. I'm well fed. I have a comfortable place to live. Sure, there's plenty more that I want, but nothing more that I need.
The thing is, I don't believe I was acting alone in this encounter. I'm pretty sure God was there, reminding me of how He wants me to live- with open hands and a generous heart. Jesus, during his time on earth, taught more about generosity with one's possessions than he did on heaven and hell combined. I think a lot of people who follow Jesus get so caught up in reducing their faith to what happens after they die that they forget how to live. Jesus didn't seem to forget though. And he doesn't seem to forget to remind us every chance he gets.
To prove my point that he reminds us often, let me share the rest of the story...
As soon as this lady walked away from me, I turned to begin pumping my gas. There in front of me stood a man with a gas can. I immediately felt my wallet get lighter and my heart get heavier. He asked me a couple of questions. He gave a couple of explanations. Truth is, I couldn't understand much of what he said because of his thick accent. But his words didn't matter. Once again, I knew.
I filled his can with gas for him before I started pumping my own gas. He politely said "thank you" and proceeded to his car to transfer his gas. Irritation blended with relief as I began to finally pump my own gas. I watched with disgust as the little box indicating number of gallons pumped crawled up at a snail's pace and the little box indicating my total cost shot up like a bullet out of a gun.
Then the voice behind me...
"Hey man. Was that lady with you?"
"I'm sorry." I replied.
"That lady in that truck. Was she with you?"
"No." I answered shortly, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Oh. Okay. Well, listen man. My truck just ran out of gas. I saw you over here, and you seem like a nice guy and all."
The red glimmer of this guy's gas can sent a shockwave through my body. It was at least twice as large as the previous guy's can. Now I knew I was being taken advantage of. He had seen me help two other people. Now it was his turn. Again, everything in me wanted to get away, to say "no," to move to the suburbs. And again, I knew.
"Hey man," I replied. "Give me a minute to finish up here and I'll fill your gas can for you."
As I was pumping my gas, the man (his name is Darrell) told me a bit of his story. He lived in New Orleans when Katrina hit. He had owned a custom auto body shop that he lost in the hurricane. He had moved to Dallas and was teaching welding classes, barely making it. He had returned to New Orleans, or at least tried. Now he was back in Dallas. Still a refugee. Still barely getting by.
I finished pumping my gas and began filling his can. After a couple of dollars worth he stopped me.
"You don't have to fill it, man. You're already at like three dollars."
These words were actually the most comforting of the day. He wasn't trying to take advantage of me afterall. He, quite simply, had a need and asked for some help.
"Oh. No worries. I'll at least give you five dollars worth."
And so I did. And I wondered to myself how many people in our city simply have a need, and when they ask for help we get so irritated, selfish or paranoid that we blow them off, refuse to help, look the other way, ignore them and walk away immersing ourselves in self-justification or grumbling our complaints against these strangers.
One of the most important things I learned when I lived in India in 2004 is, "it could have been me." For six months I was surrounded by some of the most poor, downtrodden and suffering people in the world. And all I could think about, everywhere I saw them, was, "it could have been me."
I didn't choose to be born into a middle income family in America, with the skills and mental capacity to earn a living for myself. I haven't chosen to avoid natural disaster. I haven't chosen to avoid being severely victimized by a slowing economy. I've been lucky, actually. Or blessed, some might say. Never in my life have I had to worry about where my next tank of gas or meal or pair of clothes would come from. I've always had exactly what I need. But not everyone is so fortunate...
And every time I see someone less fortunate, someone struggling in ways that I've never had to struggle, I remind myself, "It could have been me..."
And if it was me? If I had the courage to ask for help? How would I want people to respond?
"Do to others as you would have them do to you..."
God was at the gas station yesterday. Reminding me how to live.
As for my $77.93...well, what's left of it remains in my wallet. Perhaps I'll run into somebody today who needs it more than me...
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